My internship redefined

This is no longer my internship…it really is my life. This time here is not about my future, at least not in the direct way I was before believing it to be. This is simply what God had called me to do, and he may even call me to do this again, possibly to even devote my life to this overseas service. But I no longer believe that my main purpose for being here is to discover my future in missions. I am here to serve God, but also to grow closer to him and to look more like him. And that is not something that one generally aims to do on an internship; it may not ever find its way into the syllabus. Nevertheless, that is why I am here, and that is why I think of today and tomorrow as “my life”.

I don’t know if you, my reader, can fully grasp what I am saying, but this is a monumental idea for me. As one who would always look forward to the day when I would be a missionary, the day when I would be married, the day when I go to Africa, the day when…and the list goes on. Today I have decided to just live.

A deep breath escapes through my nostrils. There is a peace in just living this day. And to live it, not only because it has been given to me by God – that is a very worthy reason! But, to live it because of what it holds. The promise of cleansing fire comes in the form of sickness, loneliness and discouragement in ministry, but this fire cleanses not consumes. There is also fear that accompanies each waking day, but it is not my master. Instead it is something I can give to God so that he can master it in me. Wow! Isn’t he so good, so amazing, so gracious! His grace is sufficient for me as he supplies each of my needs.

With that all said, why wouldn’t I want to give everything for him? My heart is bursting with love for a God who loved me first and who desires good things for me. His way is not easy, for if it were, I would be left much the same; selfishness and pride would have no reason to step aside. But, the pain is one much worth its sting. And I don’t mean to sound morbid at all here, talking so much of how God leads me into pain. Yes, the cross is heavy, but in light of the promise, I barely feel it pressing into my back.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.