Goodbye denial

(Written June 3rd)

It’s Wednesday night in the first week of June. We had a fantastic day at the shelter and many laughs were shared amongst us. But now I find myself alone in my “house” (aka hotel room). Tonight’s the night I say good bye to Denial. I have resisted blogging this past month because I knew each entry would tell of the bittersweet emotions I am feeling right now, and I just haven’t wanted to think about the “goodbyes” that are soon to come. But Denial is not a faithful companion; she will vanish as soon as the plane lifts out of the Entebbe airport…if not before. And then what would I have? A heck of a lot of thinking to do.

So tonight I am carefully removing the cards and photos from my hotel room wall. As I carefully wipe Africa’s red dust off of each of them, I am reminded of the sweet part of leaving – my friends and family. So much love is in each card, and I am humbled at the realization that many really do care about me. My thoughts quickly drift to those others who have shown their care by donating towards my internship and praying for God’s will to be done in my life. I feel so loved.

Finally, I sense the excitement rising up in my heart. Denial is on her way out. After all, just as Jim reminded me yesterday, God knows why he had me here for this period of time. And it is also his will for me to return to Canada next month. And really, isn’t God’s plan the best plan? I sure think so. And because of that, instead of denying the fact that I will soon be leaving beloved Africa, I will accept it. Just as I chose to accept the deep loneliness that accompanied me in my first months here, I will accept that Canada is my next destination.